Castles and Cannons (Part Two)

. . . The arguing between my colleagues was now getting vicious and my attention again returned to the situation at hand. A phrase came to me as I watched the two in front of me argue, one that would serve me for a long time to come. That phrase was, “Big Castles attract Big Cannons”. This seemed to fit their situation. The bigger the castle built by one was matched by a larger cannon from the other. If the walls were breached, then a bigger castle rose in its place with thicker walls and higher towers. The new castle was then met by the development of a larger cannon with a longer range and heavier projectiles. There was no end to this process in sight. So much energy was now being devoted to castles and cannons that the original issue which had brought us together was now lost in the debris.

I would like to interrupt my story at this point so that I can share with you a short list of the attributes of castles and cannons or the defensive and offensive tactics that people use when differences of opinion arise. My partial list is as follows:

CASTLES: hiding information, red tape, regulations, ”they made me do it”, hierarchies, closed doors, hidden agendas, being unavailable . . .

CANNONS: mandates, angry memos, litigation, my boss is bigger than yours, political pressure, us vs. them, imposed deadlines, shaming phrases . . .

You might wish to add to these lists yourself. I think you get the idea. OK, so what can be done about this? I feel that castles and cannons exist in an environment of fear and a belief in scarce resources. Without this environment and belief there is no need for either. What to do . . . . . . I return to my story.

I brought our session to an end and asked these two to see me later so that we all might spend some time to reflect on all that had been said. On my way to the car I recalled a personal experience where I used castles and cannons to settle a dispute. I have always felt that my relationships were like buildings, each with their own character and use. One long term relationship I had was like an English Tudor I moved into long ago. Over time this house had become a home, very comfortable and warm. If things went wrong, like the water line failed or the roof needed new shingles, I worked on these problems as they appeared and was able to put the home in working order in a good humored way.

During a recent set of episodes, however, it seemed as if the home had become a shelter, needing just one thing after another. Without realizing it I was moving well beyond my ability to respond to the repairs that were needed. I did my best, or so I thought, but with each new day came a new problem. Then it happened. On probably the coldest day of my experience the heater went out and I snapped. I was so angry and upset that I screamed that I couldn’t take it anymore, not one more day, and proceeded to do whatever was necessary to rid myself of that pile of sticks and broken hardware. I got a can of gasoline and soaked that place from one end to the other. I rolled up a mighty artillery piece I borrowed from my father and aimed it point blank at the front door. Without a word, without warning I pulled the firing mechanism. In an instant the timber structure evaporated into millions of tiny pieces that either lit up the sky like the Fourth of July or lay burning on the lawn.

It was done. I was pleased. In my anger and rage I had totally destroyed what had become the burden of my life. I laughed the laugh of revenge. I danced the dance of freedom. I sat on a bench across the street and smiled the smile of a master of his own fate. I was delighted with myself. I wondered why I hadn’t done this sooner. I smiled on the second day. I laughed on the third. I felt as if I would feel this way forever . . . until it rained.

Later, in the frigid, rain soaked coat of my embarrassment I thought to myself, “I sure could use that house right now. There must be a better way than using my energies in this manner. There must be an alternative to castles and cannons.”

The answer came to me in the quiet way that these things do. It was during a stroll through a nearby forest that brought me the answer. It came as I gazed at some wild flowers that swept through a meadow. Plant a Garden. This was the answer to castles and cannons . . .

(to be continued)